fragmented

I had a false awakening last Monday. I dreamed of waking up in my room as usual, and noticed that the light was switched off. I sleep with the light on every single night, so that definitely made me wonder whether or not I was really awake. I should be able to become lucid that time - I had even gotten out of my bed and walked around a bit as a reality check, but somehow I concluded that I must had switched off the light when I woke up a few hours before and went back to sleep. If only I did my usual RC method (looking at my hands) instead of going back to bed... :(

The night before, I believe I had a short sleep paralysis. I went to bed with my headphones on, and listened to some old school trance songs and binaural beats. I woke up after an hour, removed my headphones and went back to sleep. A few minutes later, I felt a rush of fear running through my body as I sensed the presence of another being in my room. Realizing that it was a sleep paralysis, I did not do anything about it - I even tried to enjoy the slightly terrifying feeling of being paralysed. I felt as if there was a black cat climbing up my body, resting on my abdomen, purring beside my ear. I thought that was still bearable - after all, I might be able to do WILD so what harm could a DMT cat do to me? That was until I hear a strange voice, like a group of female choir singers singing twisted melodies. It was not even a melody, I somehow heard two notes repeated again and again. I thought that was too much already, tried to lift my hands for one last time, closed my eyes and sleep. No WILD this time.

Today, I took a short afternoon nap. Had some sort of hypnagogic hallucinations a few minutes after I lay down on my bed. The scene looked very much like a dream, but I was not yet asleep and was still aware of my surroundings. I tried to control the imageries like in my lucid dreams, but nothing really happened. When I fell asleep for real, I had a dream involving Aiko and other Malaysian lolita girls who invited me for a trip. We took pictures and I got to pet two lovely cats. My dream was cut short by someone knocking on my door, perhaps to wake me up for class.

Stephen LaBerge's trance induction of lucid dreaming method was very lovely - I get to listen to his mesmerizing voice lulling me to sleep and waking me up with gentle phrases like "welcome back, dreamer". Awwwwwww I couldn't help but to fall in love deeper with him after listening to the TILD track. But too bad I just can't slip into a trancelike state. Maybe I was immune - or not attentive enough. Either way, the track didn't work for me so far. Will try them again tonight.