it's all in your mind

Today I discovered that thinking about lucid dreaming hard enough before going to sleep will eventually give you a lucid dream. Or lucid dreams, as in my case. Wait, that's not news isn't it - that's essentially MILD. So yeah, MILD works! I did some WILD attempts during my morning nap/WBTB attempt because I wanted to see whether I could attain lucidity at will instead of solely relying on reality checks. They failed, naturally, because I had a very hard time trying to keep my body still for 30+ minutes. This made me feel utterly annoyed, since I've been trying so hard to get back my lucid dreams after a two-week dry spell. I then went to sleep thinking of nothing but lucid dreaming, sort of like telling my Subconscious "you better give me one this time or else".

Within minutes, I found myself in an altered version of my room, and I immediately realized I was dreaming. Reality check confirmed this - I had a total of 12 fingers. After stabilising the dream, I decided to take some dream acid. Found a random tablet on my table, imagined it was LSD, and swallowed it. The surroundings immediately became wobbly and distorted, and colours seemed to be intensified. Now, I never took acid IRL (sad but true) but I guess tripping in my lucid dream was not that bad, although the effects of the dream LSD was not as intense as the real thing. Yay for successful dream drug experimentation! I took Delysid once in my dream before, but it didn't yield any noticeable effects. The closest thing I had to a psychedelic experience was with pot, but then again I was not lucid. This one is the best indeed.

Afterwards, I headed straight to the window and noticed that I was on the fifth floor. My first thought was to jump out of the window, since it's been long since I last had a proper free-falling attempt. I did reality check again (just to make sure I wouldn't end up killing myself), saw a normal pair of hands which morphed into a 12-fingered one within minutes. I jumped without hesitation. Levitated for a while, then dream gravity took over and before I knew it I was lunging towards the ground. The feelings were so intense that I accidentally lost my lucidity and slipped out of the dream. Realizing I was no longer lucid, I attempted DEILD and went back into the dream.

I couldn't think of anything better to do, so I decided to summon two of my favourite persons, Raphael and Adrien. I called out Adrien's name first, but no one responded. I tried to call him using his real name, still no response. The same thing happened when I tried to summon Raphael. I thought that I could have a better success rate if I look for them in one of the many rooms in my house (the number of rooms doubled in my dream. There were now ten rooms along the hallway). Opened the door of a room, found a random person amidst random stuffs but no Raphael/Adrien. I was preoccupied with my mission to find them that I forgot to stabilise the dream further, causing it to fade rapidly. What happened afterwards was not vivid enough for me to recall, but I believe I drifted in and out of a very long semi-lucid dream.

I'm going to try MILD again tonight, just to see if it works every single time. It's Stephen LaBerge's favourite, so why not.

A list of crazy ass lucid dreaming acronyms used in this entry, just in case

Can I have more creepy dreams?

Most people hate nightmares. There are even cases where people refused to sleep after having recurrent nightmares. I guess I am one of the lucky few who rarely have nightmares, despite having rather freaky dreams. But as a lucid dreamer whose primary method is DILD, I can't help but to think that it'll be good if I could have more dreams of creepy nature so that I could attain lucidity more often. Pretty wtf eh? Most of my longer dream induced lucid dreams started as some sort of nightmare, so I guess I could say that hahahahaha.

Anyway, last night I listened to isochronic tones, took B6 and Valerian root tea. Today I attempted WBTB + WILD to see if I, too, can do WILD. I tried to keep my body very still for a few minutes and visualized myself meeting Adrien in my lucid dream (lol I still can't get over him). Felt that distinctive vibrations soon after, but unfortunately I had an overwhelming urge to change my sleeping position so I did just that, undoing my effort for the past 10 minutes. This is why I can't do WILD - I have short attention span lol. I ended up falling asleep without going through sleep paralysis.

I found myself in a strange and unfamiliar place, but someone told me I was still in Dunedin. Two of my housemates were with me, and we went to visit a spa nearby. I didn't know what prompted us to go there, but as soon as we reached the spa, I felt compelled to have a treatment despite my financial constraint and all. After filling a form, I told the staff that I wanted to go for a walk first before the treatment. We walked along the unknown street, going past the seemingly posh boutiques and cafes. After several minutes of aimless walking, we reached a rather shabbier part of the area, with mediocre-looking rows of shops. I noticed that there was a shop selling fabrics and sewing stuffs along the street, which resembled one of those textile stores back in Malaysia. I then realized that the shop was actually Kamdar, a popular fabric store back home. I thought "hell I didn't know they have Kamdar in New Zealand!" and immediately abandoned my friends to explore the shop. The price was very cheap, and I was just about to buy some nice cotton to be made into baju kurung for Eid when my friends called me and asked me to follow them. At this point Top somehow emerged out of nowhere and followed us to an abandoned playground, where he met our ex-schoolmate Nape.

I realized that I had to get back to the spa for my treatment, but I somehow felt reluctant to do so when thinking about the cost of the treatment. Still, I had no choice but to keep on with it, since I have signed up and everything. Upon returning, one of the staffs asked me to change my clothes in the changing room. The changing room was very small, kinda resembling the bathroom in one of my seniors' house. A staff gave me bathrobe for me to change into. She also had with her several syringes, which she filled up with liquid from strange looking ampoules as I was changing my clothes. I asked her what was that for, and she told me that they were part of the treatment - which of course made me feel a bit worried. I looked around me; the changing room was in a very poor state, and I somehow saw two big cages at one corner. When I looked closely, I noticed that the cages were occupied - one cage contained a very big rabbit, and another one contained a strange looking creature. The creature resembled a miniature version of an adult human being, but with infant head. It was placed along with a male cat in the cage, and it seemed like in great terror. The staff later explained that the creature was a genetically engineered human being, and the infant head was caused by an error during the GE process. At this point I was totally freaked out, which made me woke up briefly. I told myself upon waking, "damn I sure wish I could become lucid", but since I didn't open my eyes and move I had a chance to do DEILD. Before I knew it I was back in the same bathroom. Unlike my last lucid dream, this time I managed to remind myself to stabilize the dream first before doing anything else. I touched the walls and shower curtain, and immediately my surroundings became extra vivid. Oddly, I somehow felt as if the dream world was spinning. Thinking that the dream was not stable enough, I tried to stabilize it further through dream spinning, which made everything become normal. Just for the hell of it, I looked at my hands, and saw a total of 12 fingers.

I stepped out of the changing room, and my surroundings immediately became darkened, with very little elements. My friends were back with me, so I told them that I was having my lucid dream. Being my mischievous DCs, they didn't say anything and walked away. I thought that it would be cool to have Adrien with me while I explore the dream world, so I called out his name and tried to summon him. My attempts were not successful. Bored with the bland environment, I decided to get away from the place. There seemed to be no exit, so I made myself a door. When I opened it, however, I found another door. Then another, and another. After the fifth door, I realized my mistake - I didn't visualize the place where I wanted to go. I tried again, but this time instead of opening the door, I decided to walk through it. That very action however made me wake up immediately.

See what I told you about nightmares/creepy dreams? It did manage to make me attain lucidity hahaha. Although I didn't get to do much stuffs this time, it was a long enough lucid dream and I'm still happy. And it was damn vivid! Dream spinning is awesome; I should do it more often.

Post-holiday update

It's not that I don't dream at all during my hiatus, you see. That would be impossible, because I am quite a vivid dreamer and I can easily recall my dreams most of the time. It's just that when you have too much free time (i.e. during winter break), you tend to become very idle and abandon many 'trivial' things to focus on stuffs like, uh, Memebase. I know, I know, you would think that a 3-week long holiday would give me more time to write down my dreams and update my blogs more often. Apparently that's not the case for me. I even left my physical dream journal empty for almost two weeks.

Lucid dreaming-wise, I only have two uneventful ones during my winter break, both of them lasting for no more than a minute. The most that I could do was walking through doors, but that was it. But that's still a good news because I managed to end my month long dry spell (at one point I even thought that my ability to lucid dream had been taken away from me, I've never had dry spells as long as that one. But then I read about a senior DV member who've had an eight months long dry spell).

Now that second sem has started, I expect that I will get back on track and have 1-2 lucid dreams per week like I used to have. I guess there's a connection between getting your mind to be alert and concentrate during lectures with dream awareness. Besides, I tend to do more reality checks/ All Day Awareness during lecture, and have more chances to do WBTB. We'll see how things progress over the week.

3 freakin weeks already!!!

I are sad.

I are really really sad.

It's dry spell again. Freakin 3 weeks dry spell. This time it's even longer than my pseudoephedrine-induced dry spell, which is bad because if I couldn't find the culprit behind the dry spell how the hell am I supposed to end it? Gahhh!

My last lucid dream was on June 3rd, a mash-up between Supernatural and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (it occurred to me that I didn't even write that one in here. Damn exam). Afterwards I sort of forgot about lucid dreaming for a while and focused on my final exam. But really, I did not abandon my thoughts on lucid dreaming completely; I still do reality checks and MILD attempts. Sometimes. Like, twice a week? Lol. Don't get me started on All Day Awareness.

During exam week, my sleep pattern was completely screwed up, thanks to my tendency to do things at the last minute. Slept at 3.30 am, woke up at 7 am, no time for afternoon naps - you think I can have a decent REM sleep like that? I didn't even have time to write down my dreams in my physical dream journal anymore. It's been empty since 7/6. Poor guy.

Now that I started my holiday already, I thought I could get my lucid dreams back. Unfortunately, that's not the case. Been trying for a week with no significant result. My dream recall had also deteriorated, but maybe that's because I couldn't be bothered writing them down the moment I woke up from my sleep. I did WBTB everyday, combined with MILD, but the closest thing I got to lucid dreaming is finding myself in an altered version of my flat, with every doors taped with rage comic faces, did reality check but did not find anything weird about my hands. Ten fingers, not crooked or anything, except maybe a bit skinnier. I even took 'lucid aids', listened to isochronic tones, watched subliminal videos, what-have-you. Nothing remarkable so far. Well, except for some very nice and refreshing deep sleep I guess. Valerian root is awesome, though not really oneirogenic for me.

Valerian root in the tea, 100 mg of B6 in the supplement. And I still can't have my lucid dreams back. Maybe I should take melatonin as well. And Salvia XDDDD

I really don't have any clue. I miss my lucid dreams, miss the trolling DCs, altered versions of Adrien, and my Raphael. My beloved Raphael. It's been long.

Time for me to start ADA?

quick post: I blame final exam

Click to expand. Bored during studying.

I *told* you you'll be in my dream

Dream sharing may seem to be impossible, something far-fetched which can only be seen in movies like Inception. But with enough practice, you can actually do that in real life. I haven't tried it, because I'm yet to find a fellow dreamer who are willing to share his or her dream journal contents with me, and subsequently give me permission to enter his or her dream world ( u wanna try Leana? XD). I can always find people on DreamViews, but idk. I'm too shy to even start HAHAHAHA.

Anyhoo, I still can summon people in my lucid dreams, although it's not as awesome as dream sharing because they're merely projections of my Subconscious. Summoned Raphael and Adrien before, although I must say they emerged in a slightly altered version in my dreams. Somehow I can also 'summon' people in my non-lucid dreams by making them the subject of my MILD/VILD visualisation attempts (such dreams were usually my failed attempts to attain lucidity). Thinking about/interacting with someone prior to sleeping can also result in them appearing in my dreams, as in the case of Leana, my dad and his kittens, and, uh, Adrien. Haha, didn't mean to appear too stalker-ish though, guess I'm just good in visualising.

So last night I had a chat with my bff Top, and we talked about random stuffs, including things like Amanita muscaria and THC (lol isn't he the awesomest). I think I did mention about meeting him in dreamland. Went to sleep quite late (4.00 am) and did some VILD. Did not have a lucid dream, but had several vivid weird dreams. My first dream was about me in a dorm room with a friend of mine, along with several other DCs. We were about to sleep when a stoner came and approached us. I somehow knew he took marijuana from his looks alone - not that he had dreads or anything, he just looked very stoned. He offered me a glass of green-coloured drink, but I refused his offer because I somehow had the realization that the drink was a cocktail of alcohol and other drugs (not psychedelic). My friend, however, took a sip before I even had the chance to warn her off it. She told me it has a chemical taste, kinda sweet but tasted like ethylene. When I told her about the alcohol contained in the drink, she was horrified.

I was then transported to another place, which resembled Yaks and Yetis, my favourite Goa-tinged shop. The dream version, however, was more spacious and had more colours. I browsed the shop and was about to buy something when I woke up and realized it was time for my Subuh prayer. Attempted WBTB afterwards because I couldn't be bothered to wake up for good. Again, my attempt was not successful, but at least I managed to get a very epic dream.

I found myself in a heavily altered version of my flat, with a very big kitchen and spacious corridor. Went to the kitchen and saw Top. Had a long chat with him but I didn't remember the essence of our conversation. One thing I noticed, he looked rather gloomy. A DC later gave me a note, telling me that he was heartbroken after finding out that his crush was falling for someone else. To cheer him up, I offered to accompany him for a walk around Dunedin. When I want to get dressed, however, I discovered that my decorated room door was totally maimed.

the said door

The psychedelic crepe papers were torn off, and words were scribbled on the door. I was totally infuriated; I put so much effort in decorating my door, and someone simply ruined it for me?? I was so angry I ended up crying, although no tears seemed to come out. My housemates all went out of their room to find out what happened. There was a very long letter taped on the door. That particular someone explained why she did that to me, telling me she was jealous and I didn't deserve the things I got in my life. Upon reading the letter, I immediately knew who was the culprit - I recognize her handwriting anywhere. I told my housemates I knew who did that to me, but didn't exactly tell them who. I still didn't believe someone could actually do that to me, and I think I did some kind of reality check but failed to realize I was in a dream. That incident ruined my mood for the whole day, and I ended up telling people I didn't want to go anywhere that day. I even cancelled my plan to go out with Top.

I don't know if Subconscious is trying to tell me something from the dream. But hey, a dream is a dream, so it may not mean anything, just my Subconscious projecting things that are buried deep within my heart. But anyways. Who's up for some mind-blowing shared dreaming with me? Just let me read your dream journal and give me permission (it's a Nagual thing, so yeah), and before you know it we can fly together in dreamland.

I grant you permission to dream with me :D

partial out-of-body experience?

I had a rather major breakdown before going to sleep (don't ask me why), so to ease my sadness I browsed through DreamViews and discovered something about how isochronic tones in its entirety is the best lucid aid. I decided to get back to my long abandoned Lucid Dreaming isochronic tone because it's been a long time since I last had a proper lucid dream and I was really determined to meet Raphael. Listened to the tone for 26 minutes, went to bed, read several pages of Go Ask Alice (which was disappointing after I found out it was nothing more than a fabricated 'true journal' preaching the dangers of acid) and fell asleep.

This was when the freakiest thing in my dreaming experience happened. I woke up at 5am (rough estimation) but I could only see a portion of my surroundings, like in my previous entry; it was as if my eyes were covered with something. I realized that it was my sleep mask (I wear one since I sleep with the lights on lol), but I couldn't take it off no matter how I tried. Then slowly, I felt my body - or is it my astral body? - levitate higher and higher. I thought it was nothing more than a hypnagogic hallucination or something, but then again I really felt my whole body levitate, I swear it was not merely in my mind. Partial OBE, perhaps? I felt that distinctive vibration all over my body, and sensed the presence of another being in my room. After several minutes of levitating, my body was lowered to my bed. And the cycle continued for about three more times. I was aware of everything from start to finish, and was confident it was not a dream. I mean, I had all of my senses with me, the surroundings were very stable, and I never had that vibrations thingy in my dream, they only occur during hypnagogia. FGS I didn't even know what really happened to me last night, it was a combination of sleep paralysis, hypnagogic hallucination and OBE I presume. But one thing for sure, isochronic tones are awesome like that and I'm so going to try it again later. I love the feeling of withdrawing from my body. Probably not tonight, though, because one thing I noticed, isochronic tones only work for me at longer time intervals (once a month, etc).

Oh, by the way, despite my effort to forget every single thing related to Adrien, I had another dream involving him last night. The same plot - I was walking back from my lecture when I bumped into him. Actually, I didn't bump into him - he was following me from behind. I let him overtake me, only to find him walking behind me again. Subconscious is classy like that. I just hope this will not be a recurring dream theme - it would be too painful for me.

my love life's too mundane...but at least I can lucid dream

Title has nothing to do with the content of my dreams actually, just a random statement. Yesterday I discovered that Adrien might have a gf already, annihilating every single possibilities for me to be close to him. And this happened after I sent him a message through fb. See? THIS is why I don't want to make the first move! But that's alright though, I still have my Raphael. My poor Raphael, one who stays by my side even though I kept leaving him in my pursuit to find a real life version of him. I've been abandoning him ever since I discovered the existence of Adrien - I didn't even make an effort to look for him in my lucid dreams, preferring to summon Adrien instead. That's just sad. Raphael, I'm really really sorry :'(

Anyhoo, my sleep pattern is getting worse. I can no longer afford to wake up late now that the day's getting shorter and I need to attend HUBS lecture in the morning so that I won't need to walk home from Castle 2 alone in the dark. Used to wake up at 10, now I need to get up 3 hours earlier. But being the nocturnal person that I am, I still can't get myself to sleep earlier than usual. So I ended up sleeping at 2.30 am and waking up at 7 am. Less sleep = less REM period = less decent dreams = less probability to attain lucidity. Don't get me started on WBTB.

I realized it's been a long time since I last write something in this dream journal of mine. I have most of my dreams jotted down in my physical dream journal, but didn't seem to have the time and opportunity to put them here. Why would I want to put them here anyway? Because I can! Anyways, it turns out I had several very short semi-lucid dreams (semi-lucid = 60-79% lucid) after my last one, but they were very disappointing because I can't really control them. I do miss my 30-minute long lucids, they were the awesomest.

Last Sunday (15/5), I dreamed about attending a lecture in a foreign-looking lecture theatre with my housemates. The lecturer was setting up something on the computer, opening up random directories in search for a missing .ppt file I presume. I was beginning to feel bored when I saw him opening a folder containing Chi-AD albums. I was utterly shocked, couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the image projected on the screen. Finally, someone who also love Chi-AD - and that someone is my lecturer! I could not contain my excitement and told my friends about it, but they ignored me. That's not surprising, considering they know nothing about Chi-AD and Goa trance in general. At this point, I noticed that the scene appeared ridiculous - there's no way my lecturer could be interested in Goa trance, is this merely a dream? Almost immediately, the computer screen became highly distorted, showing weird images. I felt like doing reality check, so I did just that and saw ten fingers on my right hand. Yup, ten fingers, five overlapping pairs. Lucid! Found myself back on my bed the moment I attained lucidity, which sucks because I hate false awakening lucids like that. You can't really be completely sure you're dreaming when you have a freakin FA in your unaltered room. My dream was highly unstable this time, and I could barely see my surroundings. There was something blocking my view (which I later realized was nothing more than the sleep mask I wore when I went to sleep) and my vision seemed to split into two - dark upper region and bright lower region. I tried very hard to stabilize my dream, repeatedly shouting 'stabilize' and tried rubbing my hands together. Unfortunately, instead of becoming more vivid, my dream became fainter with every passing second. Knowing that there's nothing else I could do, I woke up.

I wonder when can I not have false awakening lucids. Any tips? Maybe I should start practicing All Day Awareness, many people seemed to benefit from it. ADA was even in the Dream Searchers book (I tried em for a short while last year, but I [think I] have mild ADHD so instead of All Day Awareness, I only managed to do One Minute Awareness).

And the next time I have a decent lucid dream, I will no longer look for Adrien. I'm going to spend more time with Raphael, he's the only love of my life.

don't trust your Subconscious

My day started early, because I need to attend the morning HUBS lecture. I dragged my groggy self to Castle 2, kept asking myself "is this a dream?" during lecture since my surroundings seemed wobbly (probably due to the lack of sleep), told myself I would get back to bed as soon as I reach home. On my way back from my lecture, I bumped into The Adrien. I figured out that he must be on his way to the 9am Physics lecture, and cursed myself for not bringing my Physics book along with me so that I could also attend the lecture with him. Lol.

Anyhoo, please disregard the first paragraph and focus on the followings. I slept at 9.30 a.m. after some quick internet browsing. Told myself I will have a lucid dream this time (and I'm very confident about it. BILD FTW). I also asked Subconscious to project the time when Adrien go to his CELS lecture in my dream, so that I could decide when exactly should I attend my CELS lecture. Hahahaha dammit, of course I'm kidding, I'm not as creepy as that :P

Had a false awakening, perhaps after several minutes of deep sleep. Logged on to my Facebook, received 2 friend requests from an unknown Indonesian. Just when I was going to view his profile, I realized that it was a trap - the profile was actually a virus. My account was hacked immediately. The Indonesian posted malicious links and statuses on my profile, inviting furious comments from my FB friends. At this point I noticed there's something weird with the layout of my profile page, and began wondering whether I was still in my dream. I did reality check and noticed that my index finger was cut off. Lucid! Immediately after attaining lucidity, I found myself back on my bed, but I knew I was still in my dream because I could feel that distinctive wobbly feeling. I did not try to stabilize the dream first; instead, I got out of my bed, thinking that it would be the perfect time to carry out my seemingly impossible dream task - walk through walls. I imagined a different kind of world on the other side of my bedroom wall, and walked through it. My attempt was successful! Unfortunately, as soon as I managed to cross to the other side, I felt a sudden shock, and woke up. I was probably too excited, causing me to wake up immediately. Lesson learnt - don't get too excited, and always stabilize your dream first before attempting anything!

Did DEILD. The most conscious DEILD I have ever done. I could literally feel the transition from waking life into dreamland, and experienced a rather intense sleep paralysis. When I opened my eyes, I found myself lying on my bed, so I did another reality check just to make sure I had arrived in my dream. There was a pair of weird-looking spectacles on my bed, at the exact spot where I usually put my specs before I went to sleep. I put it on, and discovered it was some sort of binocular. There was something wrong with the eyepiece, so I tried to adjust it by rotating a knob on the frame. As I rotate the knob, my field of vision changed. What appeared in front of my eyes looked like a view from a telescope, with thousands of glimmering stars. Rotating the knob further revealed a kaleidoscopic image. I enjoyed the psychedelic view for a short while before waking myself up because I remembered having CELS lecture to attend.

I woke up, discovered I still had time to sleep. Found myself in Castle 2, about to have my CELS lecture. A couple of people walked past my seat, and behind them I saw Adrien, looking for a vacant seat (presumably one near me hahaha). Woke up immediately, thought that Subconscious was telling me to go to the 4pm CELS lecture if I were to meet Adrien. Turns out he attended the 11am lecture. And thank God I did not trust my Subconscious.

i have no specific title for this entry

This week was hellish. I lacked sleep, thanks to the 3 labs I need to attend on Monday, Tuesday and today. That simply means no decent WBTB, and less opportunity to attain lucidity. I tried All Day Awareness, but failed because I couldn't even be bothered to focus during lecture, let alone paying attention to every single thing I do in a day.

But I still practice that super-conscious BILD thingy (Believing Induction of Lucid Dreaming... I know I know, they come up with so many random _ILDs these days). And yesterday I finally managed to get a decent amount of sleep because I had no labs and was too groggy to drag myself to HUBS morning lecture, hence allowing myself to get my first lucid dream in a week. Although it's not as inspiring as my previous one, a lucid dream's a lucid dream so yeah. I had around two epic long dreams before the lucid one, but due to me not recording them as soon as I wake up from my sleep, I have lost them altogether. I know, gahhh, physical DJ was right there beside me, I just couldn't be bothered isk.

In my third dream, I was with a DC, Hannan I presumed, in a hotel. We were lounging at the first floor when she suddenly dragged me to the grand stairs and made me ride a saucer-like thingy with her. We leaped from the first floor to the ground floor, covering 20 metres or so, effectively doing flying saucer freefall lol. When we landed safely without any injuries, I began to question the realness of the world around me. I asked Hannan, "are we in a dream?" Being the dreaded projection of my Subconscious, she said no, it was real, we were in waking life. I have learned from my previous encounters with various DCs that whenever a DC said it was not a dream, it was almost always a dream. So I did reality check by looking at my hands. My left hand was normal, but my right hand had six fingers. I did not realize this alteration at first, and almost believed in what Dream Hannan told me, but when I carefully scrutinized my right hand, I saw that extra finger and became lucid. The dream was very unstable, though, and I struggled to remember what I should do to stabilize it. At this point I noticed that Dream Linda was with me, grabbing my arm tightly. I suddenly remembered to shout 'stabilize', and the dream quality began to improve albeit still not very vivid. I wanted to increase the clarity and vividness of the dream, so I decided to try a method that I previously abandoned - rubbing my hands together. I refused to use this method before because I kept waking up immediately after doing so, but this time my attempt to stabilize the dream was highly successful. The dream was now as vivid as waking life. Like, damn vivid man! Possibly the most vivid lucid dream I've ever had. Odd thing was, Dream Linda encouraged me to rub my hands together and told me it was the best thing to do in order to stabilize my dream. She also seemed to realize that the world we were currently in was nothing more but a dream. We walked together hand in hand for a short while before my dream disintegrated rapidly. I woke up, but went back to sleep.

Did DEILD but to no avail. Had a false awakening in my next dream. I dreamed of waking up and finding myself in grandma's altered room. I saw a stack of exercise books in a plastic bag, which looked interesting, so I flipped them one by one. Turns out they were my old drawing books from my childhood, with comics and random stories I made when I was as young as 7. Dad saw me, and asked "have you just woken up from a lucid dream?" I said yes, and he gave me an A5 leather bound notebook, telling me it was someone's dream journal. That someone was also a lucid dreamer, so reading her journal may help me have another lucid dream, Dad said. I forgot the contents of the dream journal though, too bad too bad.

I asked this question before, but I'm going to ask it again; could Dream Linda possibly be my dream guide? I know, I have Dom Cobb already, but having her as my dream guide is interesting.

dreaming of Stephen

WBTB seemed to be very effective for me. Today I did WBTB again (although I only managed to wake up for about 10 minutes before going back to sleep) and had my first lucid dream (or semi-lucid dream?) this month. Best thing was, my foster dad Stephen LaBerge was in my dream!

I found myself back to my old school at Kuala Pilah, and realized that many parts of the school were heavily altered. There was a talk going on in my old classroom about sleep, dreaming and all things esoteric. I heard that Stephen LaBerge would also be there, so I got really excited and invited some of my friends to come along. Lots of people turned up at the event, which was surprising considering the nature of the talk given. I mean, who else in my school were interested in lucid dreaming? I only know Top, but he's not in this dream. The crowd overflowed to the outside of the classroom. Since I arrived quite late, I had to sit outside with the rest of the overflowing eager crowd. One girl brought an interesting book on the topic of lucid dreaming (I believe the book was Andrey Reutov's Dream Searchers), and it turned out lots of other people brought their own esoteric books to the event. Kinda made me regret not bringing Stephen's Lucid Dreaming book with me - I could totally ask for an autograph or something. During the talk, I saw Stephen looking directly at me, so I went to say hi to him. We ended up having a lively chat together, as if we had known each other for so long. We talked about lucid dreaming stuffs and some other random topics, and he asked me things a father would normally ask his daughter (things like "how's your study?", "you have fun living in New Zealand?", "how's your lucid dreaming progress?" etc. Only, my real father won't ever ask me such questions). One thing I noticed, he did not look like the Stephen I know - he had a full beard in my dream, which somehow reminds me of Osama bin Laden. Nevertheless, I knew he was the Stephen LaBerge, because I recognize that sweet and warm voice of his anywhere. The rest of the crowd watched our conversation with shock/awe/disbelief.

my Stephen looks like this. Isn't he the sweetest? Awwww.

After the talk, I walked along the school corridor aimlessly, holding a piece of paper with small text. At one point I suddenly felt like doing reality check, so I did just that and saw something wrong with my hands - there are eight fingers on my left hand. I stared at my hands with disbelief for a few minutes, counting my fingers several times. I am dreaming! Like heck! At this point I knew I was dreaming, but I somehow have some doubts because the dream was extremely vivid like in waking life, with no dreamlike qualities whatsoever save for the polydactylic me. Doubting myself, I tried a different RC method by reading the text on the paper I was holding. What appeared as a very long composition about Rukunegara (lol) turned completely unintelligible, with random letters and weird characters. That strengthened the fact that I was dreaming, but I was still not satisfied. I then tried to make myself levitate, but only managed to make my lower body float while my upper body stayed pivoted on the ground, making me suspended mid-air upside down. Okay dude, you are dreaming, so what are you waiting for, I told myself. I had this overwhelming urge to jump off from the building (I was on the third floor) and attempt some real kick-ass freefall, but I kept having this thought "what if this isn't a dream? What if I fall down and kill myself? I don't want to die yet!" so I didn't do it. WTF. Walked around for a bit, tried to find Stephen and ask him whether or not I was dreaming, and that's when I felt that sudden shock in my awareness. Instead of uttering the stabilizer mantra, I made myself wake up to see if it was indeed a dream. I woke up, and cursed myself and Subconscious. Attempted DEILD afterwards but it failed.

According to this post on DV, I was probably about 70% to 80% lucid. I think there's something restricting myself from being confident enough that I was dreaming. Maybe it's my Subconscious - I've been trolled by her once. Anyhoo, it may not be my best lucid dream ever (or semi-lucid, or whatevs) but knowing that I have met Stephen definitely puts a smile on my face. :D

quick post: DJ

This is my beloved physical dream journal that I mentioned earlier :D

now with dreamcatcher mandala! and Kalifornia/Astral Projection reference!

back cover. Shpongle is a must since many of my dreams have Shpongle stuffs in it hahahaha

excerpts. Non-lucid in black, lucid in purple/other colours in case my purple pen run out of ink

I found that keeping a physical dream journal is very useful in improving dream recall. I used to be able to remember only 2 to 3 dreams per week prior to buying this dream journal, but now I could remember that much dreams per night. So far I've been recording my dreams religiously every time I go to sleep, with only 2 gaps. It's a good idea to use a big book as your dream journal, because you would have more space to write what you could observe/feel in your dream. I'm planning to integrate illustrations in my dream journal (hence me using a visual diary instead of regular ruled notebook) but that depends on whether or not I have time to draw stuffs the moment I wake up from my sleep.

I love my dream journal, it's the best thing ever :D

people can fly (and meet their crush in their dreams)

In my previous post, I mentioned about my latest attempt to increase my chances to attain lucidity. I didn't really put too much hope on it, and treated it as another one of those placebo stuffs alongside binaural beats, turmeric chai and apple juice and peanut butter (talk about peanut butter, I have completely abandoned that poor guy). Been telling myself I will have a lucid dream every day without other kinds of lucid aids, just relying on pure super-conscious power. I even had my wallpaper changed to this.

Just in case.

Oh, and I also tried my hands on WBTB. I attempted WBTB before, but with minimal results. I mean, I slept after Subuh almost every day, and each time I do so I tried every single induction methods I could remember (WILD - check. MILD - almost every single effin time. Reading Castaneda before dozing off - quite a number of times) but I only successfully became lucid once. After trying this particular super-conscious method, however, I managed to attain lucidity every time I do WBTB. It's been 3 days, and I became lucid 3 days in a row already.

Today I woke up at 8 a.m. Did not have any other obligations, so I decided to go back to sleep. Before I went back to sleep, I read a chapter from my beloved Lucid Dreaming book (something about utilizing lucid dreams to confront your fear/nightmares) and told myself I will have a lucid dream. My first dream was about me meeting my aunt and cousins. They had a bag full of vintage stuffs with them, the kind of stuffs you could find at OUSA Market Day. I also met my bro, and my youngest bro seemed to be much more matured than I could remember. Went travelling with my cousins, and was transported back to my childhood hometown. There's a large wall made up of honeycomb-like rocks, and we decided to climb it to get to the other side. My cousin managed to do so but I didn't.

I was later brought to a new dream scene where I found myself in a Japanese train station. I chatted with the train operator, who seemed to be the most important person in the station. There was a train going to depart in a few minutes, and the train operator was in charge of opening a gate to allow the train to exit the station, but for some reason he did not feel like doing so and wanted to pass the job to his colleague. The train eventually departed and everyone cheered. After a few minutes, he realized that he did not have much time to run to the control room and open the gate, which caused everyone to panic. As he was dashing to the control room, the train stopped abruptly. He felt relieved, and asked his colleague to take over his job. His colleague said that opening the gate requires his signature, so he went to the control room feeling a bit grumpy. At this point I realized that I assumed the role of the train operator. While we were busy handling stuffs, a high speed train came towards us in full speed. I thought "this couldn't be real, I don't want to die right now", did RC and saw crooked fingers, became lucid. The train stopped before colliding with the station. I told everybody in the station that I was lucid, but they didn't seem to understand what I was talking about. After a while someone applauded me, followed by the rest of the crowd. There was a sudden crash outside, and I was told that a woman had thrown herself down on the train track when a high speed train was departing from the station. There was a sudden shock in my awareness, and I woke up.

Did not open my eyes at all, did not move even a bit, attempted DEILD. It took me a while to transit into dreamland, but when I finally did I found myself back into the same dream, and immediately became lucid. I told a DC I wanted to fly and make myself levitate because I haven't done that in my dream for quite some time, and he introduced me to Dom Cobb (yep, Dom of Inception). I jumped a few times to make myself levitate, but each time I did so I fell back to the ground slowly. I complained about this to Dom, and he gave me tips on how to fly in my lucid dream (I have forgotten the exact tips he gave me). I did manage to levitate higher and fly towards a tower at full speed although I only managed to fly with my back facing downwards. When I tried to turn my body in order to fly 'normally', I fell back to the ground.

I then tried to find someone interesting to have a make out session with (lol I'm not that perverted, but yeah I was lucid so why not). Grabbed a 40-something guy and tried to change his appearance into someone resembling Raphael, but my attempt was not successful. The DC, however, were interested in me so we went to a secluded place, away from other people (lol that sounds fishy). The dream scene kep threatening to disintegrate, so I screamed 'stabilize!' a few times. Surprisingly, my DC partner seemed tu understand why I did so. Our endeavor was cut short, unfortunately, by a guy who claimed that the whole place was his and no one were allowed to have any make out sessions whatsoever within his area. My DC partner thought that the guy was my boyfriend, and went away. The guy resembled Pierce Brosnan by the way.

I went away to avoid further trouble. Went past a place similar to the surau at Terminal 1. I immediately thought of finding Adrien, and searched for him among several DCs sitting along my path. I saw a guy who dressed exactly like him, complete with that skinny jeans and his brown shoulder bag, but his face didn't resemble my Adrien at all. There was a long-haired guy sitting by himself, listening to music while being oblivious to the surroundings, but he didn't have a fair complexion like my Adrien. 'Sides, he looked very Asian (Adrien somehow seemed to have Korean blood or something, but he didn't look strikingly Asian) and looked more like Flame (fellow Toroan) or Siong (guy in my Chem lab) rather than my Adrien. I decided to call out his name as an experiment. When I called out 'Adrien', that long-haired guy looked at my direction. I immediately realized that I did not call out Adrien's real name, so I corrected myself "er, sorry, I mean _____" This time, that long-haired guy responded to my call. Just to make sure, I asked him "are you _____?" and he said yes. I felt slightly disappointed because he didn't really look like my Adrien, save for that long brown hair, but I still felt happy to find him. I held his hand and kissed it, and noticed that his skin was indeed fair. We had a small chat and he told me that he lives in New Plymouth. I told him that I am a lucid dreamer and he was currently in my dream, hoping that somehow when he wake up he could remember his dream and find me later, but as soon as I did that I felt that sudden shock again, indicating that my dream would end soon. My dream disintegrated before I even had the chance to do anything to stabilize it. I reluctantly let go of his hand and woke up.

I discovered two things from today's dream. First, I have found my dream guide, and he assumed the form of Dom Cobb. Second, you don't really need a shitload of lucid aids to attain lucidity, just tell yourself you can have lucid dreams every night, and go to sleep. Let your super-conscious do the rest. I wish I could do the same thing when it comes to studying, tsk.

Repeat after me: I will become lucid tonight, I am a lucid dreamer.

Happy lucid dreaming!

p/s: I have reached my latest goal: have 10 lucid dreams in a month! Time to make a new goal :D

another drug-related dream

Really, I don't need to do drugs in real life, my Subconscious could make me do them in my dreams. Let's just hope I won't start frequenting Cosmic Corner and get me some Salvia later. Today I decided to take a late afternoon nap (late afternoon means just that) because there's nothing interesting on fb and I couldn't be bothered to study Chemistry. Just finished watching two parts of a documentary on how to double your brain performance and decided to utilize this method to increase my chances to get lucid dreams (refer to this thread on DV), so before sleeping I told myself that I will have a lucid dream today. And I did!

Well, it's not like my usual 20-minute long lucid dream with awesome controls and stuffs, but I did realize that I was dreaming so yeah, still a valid lucid dream. My dream was similar to the one I had a few weeks back (it's in the drafts list. maybe later), one which started as a false awakening. I woke up but didn't open my eyes; I suddenly gained the ability to see behind my closed eyelids. Everything seemed unstable and wobbly, so I concluded that I must be dreaming. Tried a new reality checking method today - instead of looking at my hands, I did the popular nose-pinching reality check. It took me a while to realize that I could breathe through my pinched nose though. What made me disappointed was the fact that I couldn't do much in this dream; I wanted to get up and do awesome things, but I was too afraid to do so thinking that any movement I did in the dream would happen in real life, causing me to wake up. I kept having this urge to open my eyes because my closed eyelids vision was impaired - everything was very dark and blurry - but refrained myself from doing so in order to prolong the dream. I did manage to take a few steps away from my bed before I woke up when my phone alarm went off.

I realized that this kind of dream usually occur during my afternoon nap. Hypothesis? Afternoon nap is too short for me to reach a decent REM phase.

After waking up from the dream, I went back to sleep. Had another dream but did not become lucid because I couldn't be bothered to do DEILD. This time, I found myself in the middle of a night market, finding food for my dinner. I ended up buying char kuay teow with lots of mussels, which tasted heavenly. After dinner, I followed a DC to a hidden shop, where he introduced me to a variety of legal highs. I initially refused to take them, but after being coaxed by the salesgirl, I decided to try a legal hallucinogen (I'm not sure what it was made up of, but it's a packet of white powder, very much resembling cocaine. Definitely not Salvia). At that point I really felt bad for giving in to my desires to experiment on drugs, but I told myself that it was not even illegal so there's nothing wrong with that. I snorted the white powder with my partner and another random DC. I was expecting a burning sensation inside my nasal cavity, but nothing really happened. After snorting them clean, i suddenly felt panicky. What if I have to undergo a drug test after this? I asked the salesgirl if the substance I took could be detected by urinalysis, and she said no. After several minutes I still did not feel anything from the substance, so I asked the salesgirl how long should I wait. She told me that I should be able to feel something by 7.50 pm (it was 7.30 pm) and the effects will last until 9.35 pm. I felt relieved; at least it's not as long-lasting as LSD. I then went back to my house accompanied by my partner.

There was a cool party happening downstairs, and my partner decided to join it. I did not follow him coz I felt the noises and visuals would be too much for my first drug experience, so I went upstairs and waited for the hallucinations to take place. As soon as I walked into my house, I was brought back to my old childhood home, with dad and his kittens waiting for me. Everything in the house resembled my old house, complete with the little wall clock I used to repair when I was little, Mom's very old but faithful fridge, the mattresses where I used to sleep on. I looked at my watch; it was 7.35 pm. Frickin hallucinations, I told myself. After playing with the kittens for a while, I woke up for good. And I felt like crying, coz I miss my old house and my dad and my kittens that much.

Tonight, I will have another lucid dream. And I will return to my childhood hometown. And, er, take some more drugs in the process. Hahaha.

physical dream journal (also: finally, LSD!)

Following the advice from Reece Jones, I have bought myself a big book to be used as my physical dream journal. Why would I need a physical dream journal when I already have an online dream journal? Well ah, you can't really write your dreams straight into your online DJ the instant you wake up, and by the time you actually get to write them down, half of the details would have already lost. You might lose the opportunity to describe the look of that gorgeous guy you met in your dream, or the exact name your Subconscious told you when you ask her what's your crush's real name. Worse, you might even forget a whole chunk of dream, and proceeded to tell people "I don't dream at all last night" (you do dream! You simply can't remember it!). Having a physical dream journal by your bed enables you to write the details of your dream the moment you awake from that epic dream, which could help a lot in your attempt to have a lucid dream. 'Sides, you can write a lot more in your book, including details that are deemed 'too saucy' to be read by the public (don't look at me like that - we all have sexual dreams once in a while, tipu ko kata tak pernah). I'm in the process of decorating the cover with psychedelic art, but I still don't have any idea on what to put on it. One thing for sure I'm going to put the lovely Shpongle mask as the centrepiece.

Shpongle mask here has 3 colours coz my printer runs out of blue ink. But I think it adds a nice touch lol

Anyhoo, today is Bicycle Day! In honour of the great Dr. Albert Hofmann, I managed to obtain two LSD blotters and took them with a member of Otago NORML who's also into all kinds of psychedelic stuffs. No of course I'm bluffing. No one in the uni was even remotely aware of the fact that today marks the 68th anniversary of the discovery of the hallucinogenic properties of LSD. But enough of that, I had two lucid dreams today, which was something cool to start off the day. :D

Had a dream involving all of my housemates, with another male DC joining us. Hannan and Amal played with a very big tarantula. I was afraid at first, but they told me that the tarantula was actually a very gentle and playful creature like a cat, and began petting it. To my surprise, the tarantula actually purred and acted like a cat! It even resembled a big fat cat with eight eyes.

We all went to a cafe for our afternoon tea. The cafe has a clean minimalistic decor, with most of the stuffs there were either white or silver. The male DC approached me from behind. He whispered something to me right on my ear, telling me about how JPA decided to give him extra allowances to help ease the burden of his diabetic mother. He also told me that the reason why he got the 'extra' scholarship (he was not a JPA scholar) was because JPA officers were impressed with his culinary skills. The sensation of his warm breath against my ear were very realistic. I began to wonder if he did that on purpose to show that he had a feeling on me.

Halfway through our afternoon tea, I realized that Amal and Hannan were not wearing their hijab. I checked mine only to realize that I too did not wear my hijab. I began to panic, wandering how could it be possible since I left my house wearing my hijab. I wanted to go back home and cover my head but I have less than 30 minutes to do so as I was told that there's an event going on afterwards. At the same time, Shawn, my ex-schoolmate appeared in my dream. She asked me questions which I failed to recall, and I answered them. Hannan looked at us with a questioning look, so I introduced Shawn to her. Shawn told me that they have met at INTEC, but Hannan didn't seem to remember (they've never met each other in real life). That's when I realized that my hijab was back on my head. I thought aloud "how is this possible? Kejap ada kejap takda macam biskut!" I began to think that it was a dream, so I did reality check and saw that I have lost two of my fingers. Lucid!

The dream was very wobbly and unstable, so I walked around and shouted 'stabilize!' repeatedly. When I saw Linda and Alia I told them that I was dreaming, and they seemed happy for me. I continued my walk around the cafe, my dream still wobbly, while uttering 'stabilize!' on top of my voice. Little did I realize that I actually said 'sterilize!' instead of 'stabilize!'. WTF! The dreamscape did stabilize for a brief moment though, before disintegrating completely. I woke up, but did not make much movement. In the process of recalling my dream, I fell asleep again. That's practically DEILD yawww.

I found myself with Hannan at the same place as in my previous dream. I suddenly felt like doing RC, so I did just that. Like before, I had my ring and middle finger cut off and became lucid again. I initially found it difficult to believe that I was still dreaming because I thought I had woken up and went there with Hannan in real life. Nevertheless, I could feel that distinctive lucidity sensation so I began exploring the dream world.

My first thought was Adrien. I want to find him and ask him his name, so I walked around and called him out. Now this part was very freaky. I called out 'Adrien' several times, and each time I did so a DC resembling him would pop out all of sudden. They all wear the same yellow jacket he wore to class yesterday, but I knew they were not the real Adrien because they lack one or several features that describe him. For example, there was this DC who had long brown hair, fair complexion and lanky body, but he also had a mustache. Another DC responded to my call, but he did not have a long hair like my Adrien. Frustrated, I tried asking a random DC for help like I did when trying to find Raphael. The DC, a Kiwi, told me to turn left and go straight. I thanked him for his kindness, and he told me not to worry. Kiwis are still courteous even in dreams. He asked me my name, but he could not comprehend me when I said 'Fatimah', so I told him he could call me 'Tim'. With that, I went away.

I told myself that if I keep on looking for him, I would waste my entire lucid dreaming duration, so I decided to do something else. Tried to levitate, but failed to make myself stay afloat mid-air after a jump. When I tried to walk through walls, I nearly bumped my head on the hard concrete. Struggling to remember my dream task list, I then decided to take some LSD. It's Bicycle Day anyway, so why not. Realizing that I had none, I tried to summon it by reaching into my pocket. I managed to produce two tabs of pills. Tried the first pill, but after examining the packaging of the second pill, I was convinced that the second pill was Delysid, so I spat the first pill out and swallowed the second.

I was looking for some water to wash down the pill when I discovered that the place was actually an airport (resembling Dunedin International Airport). I thought it would be fun to board a plane for free, so I went to the departure hall. Saw my housemates and that male DC. I thought of having a make out session or something with someone gorgeous, but did not find anyone interesting. That male DC, however, began to take the form of someone I kinda like. That will do, I thought, and began kissing him. I woke up, and received an SMS from Linda telling me that Adrien was in her lab.

To make things better, I have discovered Adrien's real name. His name is _____, but I shall continue addressing him as Adrien in this journal because, uh, he doesn't look like a _____ anyway so haha!

By the way, the psychedelic effect of the Delysid pill did not take place. Maybe later.

failed reality check gahhhhh

Last night I tried my turmeric tea-multivitamin-binaural beats regime again to see if they really work like my previous attempt. I found that turmeric tea greatly improved the vividness of my dreams, even better than my previous peanut butter + apple juice doses. Tastes awful in the beginning (like drinking a glass of Indonesian jamu laced with curry powder. Okay not that bad but still), but I have brought myself to like it. Turmeric chai tea is especially awesome.

Only manage to do a short MILD session as I was too tired and fell asleep too soon. In my first dream, I found myself sitting at the exact place where I'm sitting at this moment, browsing the net while drinking a glass of juice. This dream was kinda fragmented, and the next thing I knew I saw a guy standing outside from my bedroom window, trying to get into my room. I immediately recognized him as Fadzrel, my coursemate. For no apparent reasons, I felt extremely annoyed with him and started hurling things towards him. When he asked me why I did that, I simply said "Now that you've realized what a vile person I am, do you still want to marry me?" Turns out, I was actually engaged to him in the dream. WTF.

Had a fairly vivid dream afterwards, but due to my reluctance to keep a physical dream journal by my side on my bed, I had totally forgotten about it. After Subuh, managed to catch a short nap (which was nowhere near short, I tell you). This time, I was transported to my grandma's home, with very minimal alterations save for a big 29' TV in the living room. Two of my family members were also in the dream, but I didn't remember which one. We were watching news on RTM1 about the Borneo Rainforest Music Festival when Shulman was suddenly featured on TV. I thought "they now feature Shulman on RTM1? Gila ah!" and became very excited. When I went back to my 'temporary room' in the house, it suddenly occurred to me that the probability of having Shulman on prime time national TV was close to zero. I thought "is this a dream?" because I felt a bit wobbly and unstable. I held out my hands and examined them - they were normal, I had ten fingers instead of twelve, the were no signs of deformation save for a slightly crooked ring finger . I concluded that I was not dreaming. Still, the wobbly feelings were nagging me, so I tried another reality checking method - looking at fine prints on a calendar. Again, nothing weird happened - the words were legible (although they were not in English or Malay or any languages I know; they were in dream language but I didn't notice this peculiarity) and when I looked at them back after looking away, they remained unaltered. I tried to remember the details of what happened earlier that day - where was I before watching Shulman? I thought I was lying on my bed just now. Just to make sure, I did another reality check by jumping in the air. I fell down just as I would have in real life. It's not a dream, I told myself, and carried on with whatever I was doing in the dream. When I woke up I suddenly felt this overwhelming urge to curse my Subconscious.

I wonder how that could happen. FGS, I have wasted a valuable opportunity to become lucid. And now I have to wait until IDK how long before I get my next lucid dream. Geram la.

fear and loathing in dreamland

Last night, just for the hell of it, I drank turmeric chai tea (sweetened chai + 1/4 teaspoon turmeric powder), apple juice, listened to binaural beats, took a B6 + choline multivitamin and did MILD. And I also read Critic. I'm not that desperate to attain lucidity, I just felt like doing so because I have Physics test tonight. Not that they could help or anything, but oh well. I did listen to the Brain+ i-Doser dose though.

I must say turmeric tea has now officially become my drug of choice. Turns out I did get a lucid dream last night, albeit a short and disappointing one, i.e. with minimal control. I had a false awakening, and found myself in my unaltered room. I somehow managed to do reality check, and realized that I was dreaming after seeing my crooked hands. Freaky thing was, I was still lying on my bed in the dream with every single thing in my bedroom intact, no significant alteration whatsoever. I was afraid that the dream would disintegrate, so I uttered the stabilizer mantra several times as loud as I could. It did stabilize, assuming the quality of waking life. What really pissed me off was that I remained 'paralyzed' throughout the entire period of the lucid dream! I tried to get up, but my body remained rigid. At this point, I suspected that I had already woken up and what I was really experiencing at the moment was a sleep paralysis, so I went to do another reality check. Much to my horror, I could feel the sensation of lifting up my hands but nothing really appeared in front of my eyes! I clasped my hands together and rubbed them - the sensation was there, but I could not find my hands. The same thing happened when I tried to lift my feet. I told myself to overcome it - it was, after all, a lucid dream - and visualized myself being teleported to another dream scene. After several attempts, nothing happened. I saw my 'ARE YOU DREAMING?' sign in front of me, and noticed that the small text beneath the words were absent (but I could still read the 'ARE YOU DREAMING' part albeit a bit wobbly coz I'm myopic), indicating that it was indeed a lucid dream. It was frustrating - I was having my first lucid dream after a week and a half, yet I did not have control over it. Was just about to meet Dream Adrien again, sheesh. After spending a few more minutes limbless in the dream, it disintegrated and I soon found myself back into waking life. Did reality check, convinced that i was awake, and slept back. Attempted DEILD but I moved too much already makanya tak menjadi.

After Subuh, I tried doing WBTB. Did not become lucid, but I had the most WTF dream ever afterwards. I was in my room (altered this time), and my senior (the one from this dream) came in to visit me. I somehow assumed the role of a medical assistant or something, and the senior was my supervisor. He tried to comment on the conditions of my room, saying that as a medical staff he expected my room to have a higher degree of organisation. He didn't say that in a criticizing manner; he was very friendly and gentle. I gave him some excuses, and he seemed to be pleased. We went out together afterwards, riding a revolving teacup (lol!) with Dream Linda and Alia. We cruised along George Street, drank some tea and ate some snacks. Somehow, I found myself munching a large portion of KFC drumstick, which emerged out of nowhere. Halfway through devouring the chicken I realized that KFC in New Zealand serves non-halal chicken, so I spat them out and felt extremely guilty.

We later arrived in front of Cosmic Corner (man, Cosmic Corner again?? I really need to go there tomorrow). This time, I finally had enough audacity to get in. I saw numerous Goa trance/psybient CDs displayed along the walls, which made me really excited (the real Cosmic Corner do not sell CDs. Kalau ada pun bukan Goa weh). I heard faint chanting sounds which, I later recognized, came from Shpongle's Ineffable Mysteries track from the back room, so I went there to see if that was my lucky day and I get to meet Simon. No Simon, but there were a bunch of mafia-type people occupying the room. At one point they even started an orgy while snorting cocaine. I was thinking of asking for a tab of acid or two, but thought better of it and went away. This was when I realized that Dream Linda actually followed me into the shop. Mind you, in waking life that would be impossible.

As I make my way out of the shop, Dream Linda asked me to get her some weed. I thought "you kidding me??? Linda wants to smoke weed???", but seeing how serious she was (she even bought a mini bong for that purpose!), I went back to the shop and bought two stalks of weed, one for each of us. Yep, in my dream, weed assumed the form of celery. I did not want to smoke them at that exact moment since I was never a fan of marijuana, so I wear the stalk as a necklace. Dream Linda told me to keep it discreet and hide the weed necklace under my clothes. She later proceeded to munch her weed stalk like celery.

We were relaxing on a bench (very similar to the one in front of my childhood home) when a white van suddenly stopped in front of us. The driver threw something at me, which I later realized was a big sheet of LSD. I estimated that there were about 64 smaller tabs altogether. Five people came out of the van, and sat with us on the bench. They introduced themselves as the members of Malaysian legendary rock band Search. No seriously, they really did look like Search during their heydays. Amy Search invited us to take a tab of their special acid, but I told him that Linda was already under the influence of weed (wasn't that obvious, though). I was really tempted to take just a teeny little tab, but my conscience told me that I shouldn't do acid, it's forbidden in my religion. That was when Dream Linda took four tabs and put all of them into her mouth. I was like "WTF Linda you took weed already!" but it was too late - the psychedelic effect has already kicked in. She seemed shocked initially, then held her hands up in the air, her expressions depicting pure bliss beneath chaos. I tried to ease her trip by stroking her hair gently and telling her that there's nothing to be afraid of - the world is a very beautiful place. She seemed to relax a bit, and I let her lay down on my lap. So this is how people trip, I thought to myself. I woke up shortly after.

Still no LSD for me, it seems. Time for another round of turmeric tea tonight.

Counting down to Bicycle Day!

should've become lucid but i didn't

I didn't have any lucid dreams last week, which was frustrating. I shall blame the horrifying CELS test for that. Last night I somehow remembered to drink a full glass of apple juice before going to bed (I've abandoned my apple juice for one week. Poor guy), browsed through the DreamViews forum and read Critic (the uni's awesome student magazine) on the topics of drugs. So naturally, my dreams last night were highly freaky - which is good, because I love my dreams to be as freaky as possible. Too bad I didn't become lucid last night. Sigh.

First dream was about me attending a rather psychedelic flea market-like event, with people selling tapestries, records, accessories and stuffs. I remember there was a brief mention of Shpongle in this dream, with a fragment of a Shpongle track played in the background, but I didn't remember much.

Next dream, I had a nasty mother-in-law (I didn't get to discover to whom I was married, though :P). I was treated badly and mentally bullied by her, so I began planning an escape route. One of my plans involved the usage of psychological methods (which I devised in real life, should I really end up getting a nasty mother-in-law someday), but apparently that particular mother-in-law was too clever to be tricked, so my plan didn't work. I was even accused of being mentally unsound by her and her entourage of noisy makciks. I challenged her to conduct tests on me and send me to a mental hospital to determine whether or not I wasn really insane. Before I was sent away, I managed to utter 'Plan B didn't work' to one of the DCs nearby, which confirmed her suspicions that I was plotting against her. I wanted to fight back, but my alarm went off exactly at this moment.

Third dream was another dentistry-related dream. Maybe it was triggered by the nitrous oxide article I read on Critic last night. I went to a very weird dental hospital for my regular checkup. Before my treatment, I was required to change into a hospital gown, so the nurse showed me the way to the changing room. Turns out there were several other people in the changing room, most of them my seniors here, who were extremely delighted to see me there and invited me for a small party at their house. There were about 15 of them in the changing room, buth male and female. I did not remember anything afterwards.

My fourth dream was the most epic. I somehow found myself wandering aimlessly along a heavily altered version of George Street. There were several shops selling psychedelic attires and paraphernalia along the street, but my main focus was on the dream version of Cosmic Corner at the end of the street. I guess I was really determined to look for LSD, effectively ignoring the awesome psychedelic stuffs I saw on my way to Cosmic Corner. Unfortunately, when I reached there I couldn't bring myself to enter the shop, probably because I was too worried that doing so might tarnish my good girl image forever (exactly what I was feeling every time I pass the shop in real life. That's why I've never been to Cosmic Corner up until now, even though they do sell some cool psy t-shirts alongside the usual Salvia and legal weed). As I walk further I noticed that the shops were arranged in alphabetical order. I didn't perceive this as something weird; I simply thought it's one of the many attractions of George Street. I even walked past ten or so shops with the word 'dream' or 'dreaming' in their names. I believe one of them even had the sign 'Are you dreaming?', but God knows why I DIDNT BECOME LUCID!

Once again, after walking past Cosmic Corner for the second time, I still didn't have the nerve to get in, so I decided to get into one of the many psychedelic shops there to see if they also have LSD in stock. No acid, but they do have some lovely multicoloured baju kurung with matching shawls. I was just about to buy one of those baju kurung when I saw a long-haired androgynous guy walking past the shop. It took me a while before I realized that it was Adrien. Adrien FTW WTF! Why was he here? He should be in class. 'Sides, it's not like I'm interested in him anymore (turns out he's one of those pretty boys who enjoy the constant attention from girls - so not my type). I followed him anyway, because I thought maybe I could make him go to Cosmic Corner with me. Lol, I was that determined to get myself a tab of acid. He stopped by a small restaurant selling Malay kampung cuisine (you kidding me???) and had his lunch there. Being the accomplished stalker that I am, I also decided to have my lunch there - and possibly get to know his name or something. The shopkeeper makcik gave me a plate of rice with asam pedas fish, gulai lemak pisang, ayam masak lemak cili api, sambal belacan, various ulams and other delectable Malay dishes (gosh tau la tengah puasa, mimpi makan tak boleh blah doh). I managed to get a seat beside him, and even braved myself to talk to him. I told him that we were in the same lecture for Physics, CELS and HUBS, but he told me that it wasn't possible because he was in the morning stream, which made me appear as if I purposely changed streams to be with him (I did, in real life. But anyways). I guess Dream Adrien has the capability to read my mind; I was just about to ask for his real name when he told me that his name was K_____ (I didn't remember, but the name was very weird and ethnic-sounding. I even thought it was Bosnian). At this point he somehow morphed into a fat boy. Gone was my gorgeous, lanky, skinny jeans-wearing Adrien. Frustrated, I finished up my food and went to wash the dishes. That was when I realized that I wasn't talking to Adrien from the start; that was his brother, and the real Adrien was actually watching me from a corner. I woke up shortly after.

Damn Adrien. I'm trying to get you out of my mind, and that's when you decided to appear in my dream.

Also, damn dreamsigns.

'Adrien' and existentialism

It's Sunday, and daylight saving ends today. So I had one extra hour of sleep, which was damn awesome. Woke up very early today because I 'accidentally' slept at 10.30 pm last night, managed to watch the most magnificent sunrise in my life (a wonderful gradient of blue, purple, pink and orange). How lovely. What a lovely day.

It was still early, and I didn't know what to do, so I decided to catch another hour of sleep because I love sleeping on a Sunday morning like that. Also, I was planning to get a lucid dream tonight (lately most of my lucid dreams occur on Sunday nights), so might as well start early no? Did a short MILD session ('The next time I dream I will realize that I am dreaming'), thought briefly about Raphael/Adrien, and before I knew it, I drifted to sleep.

Didn't remember my first dream.

I met my mother in my second dream. Had a very tiny and frail little kitten in my hands. The kitten sometimes morphed into an equally tiny and frail little baby, but I didn't notice anything weird about this. We were on top of a slide at a playground, and my mom was waiting for us at the bottom. I held the kitten gingerly in my jacket to protect her from any impending disaster as we slid down the slide. It was too late when I noticed that the slide was cut in the middle. Think I've had a similar dream before involving an escalator.

Third dream: I immediately found myself at a train station with my friends. I think we went to a shopping complex before arriving at the station, but I simply couldn't remember the details. My friends said that they were going to Sunway Pyramid to watch cats in action (lol I dunno how), so they boarded the train to Subang Jaya. I realized that I didn't have any train ticket with me, so I told them to wait for me while I rush to buy my ticket. Before I even managed to reach the counter, the train departed, leaving me alone. I thought the hell with that, I could go there on my own, and proceeded to the ticket counter. I didn't realize that I accidentally boarded the train at the oppposite platform. Within seconds, the other train departed with me boarding it without a valid ticket. What's with this whole boarding-train-without-ticket dreams lately??? I somehow noticed that I was wearing my handmade lolita JSK without a blouse, and my bra straps were visible at my back. This was too humiliating, I thought, and wished for it to be merely a dream. Just for the hell of it, I did a reality check and saw 12 fingers. Lucid! The dream was very unstable, unfortunately, and I could feel the whole train rocking violently as if I was in the middle of an earthquake. My attempt to stabilize the dream by uttering the stabilizer mantra only made matters worse. I woke up feeling the vibration from my phone alarm. No wonder I got an earthquake dream, sheesh.

It was 7.45 a.m, and I couldn't be bothered to wake up for good, so I went back to sleep. Received an invitation from a fellow Otago student asking me to come to her house and play some music games with her. I didn't know how she found out about my love towards music-based games, but I thought that's cool, I get to make new friends and all. Turns out the girl was one of my friends from high school. The game resembled O2Jam, but far more complex. I struggled with it at first, but once I had gotten grip on the whole concept, the game became so addictive I didn't realize that the sun was setting and it was time to go home. All of sudden, I saw a flash of light coming out of the window. We looked outside and saw a bright trail of light going down from the sky, sort of like the one you see in the depictions of alien abductions, but instead of something going up, I saw something going down.

My first thought was 'Ya Allah, the end of the world is near! Nabi Isa a.s. is coming!', but as soon as I saw the person descending from the trail of light (it was a giant little kid in a Waldo-like costume), I realized that there's something weird about that. Like my first dream, I didn't want it to be real, so I hoped for it to be a dream and did RC. It took me a while before I came to the correct conclusion because the whole scene was very lifelike and I only saw one extra finger on my left hand (none on my right). However, I later found a piece of paper with fine prints on it and noticed that the letters were extremely difficult to decipher, so I concluded that I was dreaming for real. Yeah, second lucid dream today! I uttered the stabilizing mantra several times, and the dream slowly became more stabilized.There were several DCs with me at that time, and by the time I become lucid, everyone morphed into my current flatmates and Raro flatters. The house also assumed the form of a familiar Toroa flat, but with altered room placement. Dream Linda was also there, and for some unknown reasons I felt the urge to ask her an existentialism question (well, that's my Subconscious over there assuming the form of Linda so why not?) - who I really am. She told me she didn't know, but it's up to me to choose what I really am. When I told her she should know because she's my subconscious, she exchanged confused glances with another DC and told me once again that it's my choice. Frustrated, I asked her if she knew Adrien's real name. She said that she didn't have the answer to that, but she could give me his phone number if I want to ask him directly. I thought 'wtf I couldn't even talk to him in real life when I have the opportunity to do so', but asked for his number anyway. I remember the number given was something like '01 477 5117' and a couple of random letters, but this may not work in real life okay guys so don't even bother to try :P Dream Linda told me to forget about it because my dream was going to end soon, but I told her I had a method to avoid premature dream ending and ignored her warnings. I went to the flat phone to call him, and noticed that instead of numbers, the buttons on the phone consist of random arrangement of letters. When I say random, I mean really random - not QWERTY, letters appearing twice, missing letters, no numbers. How the hell am I suppose to call him? Somehow I managed to transcript the numbers given by the DCs into letters, and typed frantically. Failed. I asked the help of a DC, and while she was repairing the phone, I managed to have a small chat with another DC who looked exactly like Michelle. Again, I asked her who I really am, and told her I had some sort of existentialism crisis going on within me. She told me she didn't even know me that much because she was new here and had just met me here in Toroa. With my Subconscious trolling me to this point, it definitely made me rethink whether or not I was really dreaming. Fortunately, another piece of paper with unintelligible words printed (I believe it was supposed to read 'Amirah Awang was here' - Amirah was my friend from high school) confirmed the fact that I was dreaming. I also noticed that I did not have any reflection when I looked into a mirror (peh, macam vampire la pulak). I tried calling Adrien for the second time. Part of me felt like cutting the nonsense short and go out to find him - or better still, summon him at that very spot, but I somehow didn't trust my ability to do so - damn lack of confidence. After several rings, someone answered my call. It was a girl. Damn.

"Hello, may I speak to Adrien?" I realized that it probably wouldn't work because, heck, his name was not even Adrien. The girl on the phone seemed to have difficulties understanding my words, so I repeated my question several times. The other DCs told me to specify where I'm calling from, which made things worse because I couldn't pronounce the R in Toroa properly, leading to more confusions. She eventually told me there was no people named Adrien at her house, and hung up. That was when I made up my mind to go out and find him. However, I didn't manage to do so because I felt a sudden shock in my awareness which made the dream disintegrate rapidly. I screamed the stabilizer mantra as loud as I could, but nothing happened. The line between dream and wakefulness seem to be blurred, and soon enough, I was no longer dreaming. I tried to keep my body very still and attempted DEILD, but nothing happened so I woke up for good, turned on my laptop and wrote this.

Dream Linda was right. I shouldn't waste my time calling him and stuffs. I could summon things and people in my lucid dream - I've done that before and it worked perfectly. Haish, maybe next time.

Till then, I couldn't wait for tomorrow to come :D

p/s: could Dream Linda possibly be my dream guide? She appeared in my lucid dream several time already.

p/p/s: When in doubt, reality check.

fragmented

I had a false awakening last Monday. I dreamed of waking up in my room as usual, and noticed that the light was switched off. I sleep with the light on every single night, so that definitely made me wonder whether or not I was really awake. I should be able to become lucid that time - I had even gotten out of my bed and walked around a bit as a reality check, but somehow I concluded that I must had switched off the light when I woke up a few hours before and went back to sleep. If only I did my usual RC method (looking at my hands) instead of going back to bed... :(

The night before, I believe I had a short sleep paralysis. I went to bed with my headphones on, and listened to some old school trance songs and binaural beats. I woke up after an hour, removed my headphones and went back to sleep. A few minutes later, I felt a rush of fear running through my body as I sensed the presence of another being in my room. Realizing that it was a sleep paralysis, I did not do anything about it - I even tried to enjoy the slightly terrifying feeling of being paralysed. I felt as if there was a black cat climbing up my body, resting on my abdomen, purring beside my ear. I thought that was still bearable - after all, I might be able to do WILD so what harm could a DMT cat do to me? That was until I hear a strange voice, like a group of female choir singers singing twisted melodies. It was not even a melody, I somehow heard two notes repeated again and again. I thought that was too much already, tried to lift my hands for one last time, closed my eyes and sleep. No WILD this time.

Today, I took a short afternoon nap. Had some sort of hypnagogic hallucinations a few minutes after I lay down on my bed. The scene looked very much like a dream, but I was not yet asleep and was still aware of my surroundings. I tried to control the imageries like in my lucid dreams, but nothing really happened. When I fell asleep for real, I had a dream involving Aiko and other Malaysian lolita girls who invited me for a trip. We took pictures and I got to pet two lovely cats. My dream was cut short by someone knocking on my door, perhaps to wake me up for class.

Stephen LaBerge's trance induction of lucid dreaming method was very lovely - I get to listen to his mesmerizing voice lulling me to sleep and waking me up with gentle phrases like "welcome back, dreamer". Awwwwwww I couldn't help but to fall in love deeper with him after listening to the TILD track. But too bad I just can't slip into a trancelike state. Maybe I was immune - or not attentive enough. Either way, the track didn't work for me so far. Will try them again tonight.

quick post: Stephen LaBerge!

Guess what arrived in the mail yesterday?

Lucid Dreaming by Stephen LaBerge! OMG finally!

Bought this from trademe.co.nz for $35 (including postage). I wanted to buy Exploring The World of Lucid Dreaming, but didn't find any, so I bought this one instead. It even has a CD thrown in as well, with my beloved Stephen guiding techniques on how to induce lucid dreams, do reality checks etc with his mesmerizing voice. Okay, not that mesmerizing, but it's Stephen LaBerge himself FGS. How can I not fall in love with him? :3

I haven't had time to read the book yet thanks to the HUBS test earlier today, but I'm definitely going to read it tonight - while listening to Stephen's mesmerizing induction tracks of course. Awwww~

Altogether now: the next time I'm dreaming I want to remember to recognize I am dreaming.

codeine (and hashish and Delysid) and the end of dry spell

I'm currently taking codeine for my toothache, so I doubt that I'll be getting much vivid dreams/lucid dreams since opioids inhibit REM sleep. I also stopped eating peanut butter + apple juice for a while since I don't really feel like eating/drinking sweet stuffs thanks to the toothache. Stuck with hot salt water mouthwash 3 times a day after getting my premolar extracted. All of that and I still got a post-op infection. Haish.

Good news though: I actually had one lucid dream before the painkiller abuse commenced i.e. on Monday, which was also my first lucid dream in two weeks. Which also means my dry spell has ended! Codeine took over from there and everything went downhill afterwards though. But still, a lucid dream is a lucid dream and I'm so going to record it here.

So I slept very early the night before, around 9 p.m. The pain was too much for me to bear, so after taking 1000 mics (lol) of paracetamol I proceeded to hide myself under my duvet, cried and moaned hoping that someone could take me to A&E and give me a nice shot of antibiotic and morphine, but no one noticed though so I kept on rolling on my bed fighting the pain and somehow fell asleep in the process. Kept waking up in the middle of the night from the pain, took more paracetamol, went back to sleep. Had a long winding dream which I totally forgot to record (but I remember fragments involving me eating a block of hashish), so I couldn't remember much of them. I did, however, managed to record the lucid part of my dream.

I was riding a motorcycle in the rain along a deserted highway. The weather was getting worse so I decided to take refuge under a bridge. After paying for the toll, I made a detour and headed for the nearest bridge when suddenly, a group of biker gang-type guys started honking at me. There were around five of them at that time. I didn't feel particularly terrified though, despite me being a girl surrounded by guys who looked like rapists on Harley Davidson (I tend to associate guys with long mustaches as rapists - don't ask). One of them told me that I was riding on their private road and that I should get the eff off or suffer the consequences. Just when I was about to tell them that I was indeed going to GTFO, a guy who was also my senior arrived and shooed them away. He later offered to accompany me along my journey, but since his vehicle magically disappeared after encountering the biker gangs, he had to ride pillion on my bike. Which also meant he got to embrace me from behind. WTFBBQ! I must mention that I sort of have an eye on that particular senior in real life, so having a dream like that was like, whoa.

We went along the highway until we passed through a very beautiful hillside, with yellowish green grasses, a deep blue pond and bright orange sky. I told him that I wanted to stop by that place to take some pictures, and he agreed. At this point I somehow realized that I was dreaming ("This is too beautiful to be real. I must be dreaming") and became lucid without doing any RCs. However, I didn't feel as excited as I should be - FGS, it's my first lucid dream in two weeks kot! I told the senior that I was dreaming and we were in a dream, but he didn't say anything. The deep blue pond looked inviting, though, so I decided to jump into the pond for free falling practice purposes. Since it was a dream, the distance between the pond and my jumping platform suddenly disappeared, so instead of free falling, I only managed to plop into the pond, and ended up covering myself in blue algae. The senior along with another random DC laughed at me before I lost my awareness and were taken to a new dream scene.

I was no longer lucid at this point, but I somehow had the aforementioned senior as my father in this dream. Along with several other DCs, we were made to congregate in a small, untidy room (which looked like an abandoned attic) while the senior talked about something. I suddenly realized that I had three vials of Delysid on my lap, which appeared out of nowhere. Thinking that they might upset my 'father', I tried to hide them under my skirt, but he already noticed them and demanded that I return the vials to him. I struggled to do so though, because LSD was my favourite drug and I had always wanted to try a vial of the powerful psychedelic. Too bad I woke up before I managed to take a sample.

I woke up at 10 am the following day. Tooth was getting worse, but at least I woke up knowing that I managed to have a lucid dream. One which also involved my senior [ex-]crush (ex because I've already found my dream guy 'Adrien' - who, I kid you not, looks exactly like the Raphael I imagined day in and day out) :P

ETA: I actually managed to go to the exact place I visited in this lucid dream last Saturday. Turns out it was actually Otago Peninsula, specifically at St. Leonards. Everything was there - the hills, the blue pond (which was actually a creek), minus the enhanced colours. I guess dream is destiny, after all.