Saturday, April 2, 2011

'Adrien' and existentialism

It's Sunday, and daylight saving ends today. So I had one extra hour of sleep, which was damn awesome. Woke up very early today because I 'accidentally' slept at 10.30 pm last night, managed to watch the most magnificent sunrise in my life (a wonderful gradient of blue, purple, pink and orange). How lovely. What a lovely day.

It was still early, and I didn't know what to do, so I decided to catch another hour of sleep because I love sleeping on a Sunday morning like that. Also, I was planning to get a lucid dream tonight (lately most of my lucid dreams occur on Sunday nights), so might as well start early no? Did a short MILD session ('The next time I dream I will realize that I am dreaming'), thought briefly about Raphael/Adrien, and before I knew it, I drifted to sleep.

Didn't remember my first dream.
I met my mother in my second dream. Had a very tiny and frail little kitten in my hands. The kitten sometimes morphed into an equally tiny and frail little baby, but I didn't notice anything weird about this. We were on top of a slide at a playground, and my mom was waiting for us at the bottom. I held the kitten gingerly in my jacket to protect her from any impending disaster as we slid down the slide. It was too late when I noticed that the slide was cut in the middle. Think I've had a similar dream before involving an escalator.

Third dream: I immediately found myself at a train station with my friends. I think we went to a shopping complex before arriving at the station, but I simply couldn't remember the details. My friends said that they were going to Sunway Pyramid to watch cats in action (lol I dunno how), so they boarded the train to Subang Jaya. I realized that I didn't have any train ticket with me, so I told them to wait for me while I rush to buy my ticket. Before I even managed to reach the counter, the train departed, leaving me alone. I thought the hell with that, I could go there on my own, and proceeded to the ticket counter. I didn't realize that I accidentally boarded the train at the oppposite platform. Within seconds, the other train departed with me boarding it without a valid ticket. What's with this whole boarding-train-without-ticket dreams lately??? I somehow noticed that I was wearing my handmade lolita JSK without a blouse, and my bra straps were visible at my back. This was too humiliating, I thought, and wished for it to be merely a dream. Just for the hell of it, I did a reality check and saw 12 fingers. Lucid! The dream was very unstable, unfortunately, and I could feel the whole train rocking violently as if I was in the middle of an earthquake. My attempt to stabilize the dream by uttering the stabilizer mantra only made matters worse. I woke up feeling the vibration from my phone alarm. No wonder I got an earthquake dream, sheesh.

It was 7.45 a.m, and I couldn't be bothered to wake up for good, so I went back to sleep. Received an invitation from a fellow Otago student asking me to come to her house and play some music games with her. I didn't know how she found out about my love towards music-based games, but I thought that's cool, I get to make new friends and all. Turns out the girl was one of my friends from high school. The game resembled O2Jam, but far more complex. I struggled with it at first, but once I had gotten grip on the whole concept, the game became so addictive I didn't realize that the sun was setting and it was time to go home. All of sudden, I saw a flash of light coming out of the window. We looked outside and saw a bright trail of light going down from the sky, sort of like the one you see in the depictions of alien abductions, but instead of something going up, I saw something going down.


My first thought was 'Ya Allah, the end of the world is near! Nabi Isa a.s. is coming!', but as soon as I saw the person descending from the trail of light (it was a giant little kid in a Waldo-like costume), I realized that there's something weird about that. Like my first dream, I didn't want it to be real, so I hoped for it to be a dream and did RC. It took me a while before I came to the correct conclusion because the whole scene was very lifelike and I only saw one extra finger on my left hand (none on my right). However, I later found a piece of paper with fine prints on it and noticed that the letters were extremely difficult to decipher, so I concluded that I was dreaming for real. Yeah, second lucid dream today! I uttered the stabilizing mantra several times, and the dream slowly became more stabilized.There were several DCs with me at that time, and by the time I become lucid, everyone morphed into my current flatmates and Raro flatters. The house also assumed the form of a familiar Toroa flat, but with altered room placement. Dream Linda was also there, and for some unknown reasons I felt the urge to ask her an existentialism question (well, that's my Subconscious over there assuming the form of Linda so why not?) - who I really am. She told me she didn't know, but it's up to me to choose what I really am. When I told her she should know because she's my subconscious, she exchanged confused glances with another DC and told me once again that it's my choice. Frustrated, I asked her if she knew Adrien's real name. She said that she didn't have the answer to that, but she could give me his phone number if I want to ask him directly. I thought 'wtf I couldn't even talk to him in real life when I have the opportunity to do so', but asked for his number anyway. I remember the number given was something like '01 477 5117' and a couple of random letters, but this may not work in real life okay guys so don't even bother to try :P Dream Linda told me to forget about it because my dream was going to end soon, but I told her I had a method to avoid premature dream ending and ignored her warnings. I went to the flat phone to call him, and noticed that instead of numbers, the buttons on the phone consist of random arrangement of letters. When I say random, I mean really random - not QWERTY, letters appearing twice, missing letters, no numbers. How the hell am I suppose to call him? Somehow I managed to transcript the numbers given by the DCs into letters, and typed frantically. Failed. I asked the help of a DC, and while she was repairing the phone, I managed to have a small chat with another DC who looked exactly like Michelle. Again, I asked her who I really am, and told her I had some sort of existentialism crisis going on within me. She told me she didn't even know me that much because she was new here and had just met me here in Toroa. With my Subconscious trolling me to this point, it definitely made me rethink whether or not I was really dreaming. Fortunately, another piece of paper with unintelligible words printed (I believe it was supposed to read 'Amirah Awang was here' - Amirah was my friend from high school) confirmed the fact that I was dreaming. I also noticed that I did not have any reflection when I looked into a mirror (peh, macam vampire la pulak). I tried calling Adrien for the second time. Part of me felt like cutting the nonsense short and go out to find him - or better still, summon him at that very spot, but I somehow didn't trust my ability to do so - damn lack of confidence. After several rings, someone answered my call. It was a girl. Damn.

"Hello, may I speak to Adrien?" I realized that it probably wouldn't work because, heck, his name was not even Adrien. The girl on the phone seemed to have difficulties understanding my words, so I repeated my question several times. The other DCs told me to specify where I'm calling from, which made things worse because I couldn't pronounce the R in Toroa properly, leading to more confusions. She eventually told me there was no people named Adrien at her house, and hung up. That was when I made up my mind to go out and find him. However, I didn't manage to do so because I felt a sudden shock in my awareness which made the dream disintegrate rapidly. I screamed the stabilizer mantra as loud as I could, but nothing happened. The line between dream and wakefulness seem to be blurred, and soon enough, I was no longer dreaming. I tried to keep my body very still and attempted DEILD, but nothing happened so I woke up for good, turned on my laptop and wrote this.

Dream Linda was right. I shouldn't waste my time calling him and stuffs. I could summon things and people in my lucid dream - I've done that before and it worked perfectly. Haish, maybe next time.

Till then, I couldn't wait for tomorrow to come :D

p/s: could Dream Linda possibly be my dream guide? She appeared in my lucid dream several time already.

p/p/s: When in doubt, reality check.

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