partial out-of-body experience?

I had a rather major breakdown before going to sleep (don't ask me why), so to ease my sadness I browsed through DreamViews and discovered something about how isochronic tones in its entirety is the best lucid aid. I decided to get back to my long abandoned Lucid Dreaming isochronic tone because it's been a long time since I last had a proper lucid dream and I was really determined to meet Raphael. Listened to the tone for 26 minutes, went to bed, read several pages of Go Ask Alice (which was disappointing after I found out it was nothing more than a fabricated 'true journal' preaching the dangers of acid) and fell asleep.

This was when the freakiest thing in my dreaming experience happened. I woke up at 5am (rough estimation) but I could only see a portion of my surroundings, like in my previous entry; it was as if my eyes were covered with something. I realized that it was my sleep mask (I wear one since I sleep with the lights on lol), but I couldn't take it off no matter how I tried. Then slowly, I felt my body - or is it my astral body? - levitate higher and higher. I thought it was nothing more than a hypnagogic hallucination or something, but then again I really felt my whole body levitate, I swear it was not merely in my mind. Partial OBE, perhaps? I felt that distinctive vibration all over my body, and sensed the presence of another being in my room. After several minutes of levitating, my body was lowered to my bed. And the cycle continued for about three more times. I was aware of everything from start to finish, and was confident it was not a dream. I mean, I had all of my senses with me, the surroundings were very stable, and I never had that vibrations thingy in my dream, they only occur during hypnagogia. FGS I didn't even know what really happened to me last night, it was a combination of sleep paralysis, hypnagogic hallucination and OBE I presume. But one thing for sure, isochronic tones are awesome like that and I'm so going to try it again later. I love the feeling of withdrawing from my body. Probably not tonight, though, because one thing I noticed, isochronic tones only work for me at longer time intervals (once a month, etc).

Oh, by the way, despite my effort to forget every single thing related to Adrien, I had another dream involving him last night. The same plot - I was walking back from my lecture when I bumped into him. Actually, I didn't bump into him - he was following me from behind. I let him overtake me, only to find him walking behind me again. Subconscious is classy like that. I just hope this will not be a recurring dream theme - it would be too painful for me.

my love life's too mundane...but at least I can lucid dream

Title has nothing to do with the content of my dreams actually, just a random statement. Yesterday I discovered that Adrien might have a gf already, annihilating every single possibilities for me to be close to him. And this happened after I sent him a message through fb. See? THIS is why I don't want to make the first move! But that's alright though, I still have my Raphael. My poor Raphael, one who stays by my side even though I kept leaving him in my pursuit to find a real life version of him. I've been abandoning him ever since I discovered the existence of Adrien - I didn't even make an effort to look for him in my lucid dreams, preferring to summon Adrien instead. That's just sad. Raphael, I'm really really sorry :'(

Anyhoo, my sleep pattern is getting worse. I can no longer afford to wake up late now that the day's getting shorter and I need to attend HUBS lecture in the morning so that I won't need to walk home from Castle 2 alone in the dark. Used to wake up at 10, now I need to get up 3 hours earlier. But being the nocturnal person that I am, I still can't get myself to sleep earlier than usual. So I ended up sleeping at 2.30 am and waking up at 7 am. Less sleep = less REM period = less decent dreams = less probability to attain lucidity. Don't get me started on WBTB.

I realized it's been a long time since I last write something in this dream journal of mine. I have most of my dreams jotted down in my physical dream journal, but didn't seem to have the time and opportunity to put them here. Why would I want to put them here anyway? Because I can! Anyways, it turns out I had several very short semi-lucid dreams (semi-lucid = 60-79% lucid) after my last one, but they were very disappointing because I can't really control them. I do miss my 30-minute long lucids, they were the awesomest.

Last Sunday (15/5), I dreamed about attending a lecture in a foreign-looking lecture theatre with my housemates. The lecturer was setting up something on the computer, opening up random directories in search for a missing .ppt file I presume. I was beginning to feel bored when I saw him opening a folder containing Chi-AD albums. I was utterly shocked, couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the image projected on the screen. Finally, someone who also love Chi-AD - and that someone is my lecturer! I could not contain my excitement and told my friends about it, but they ignored me. That's not surprising, considering they know nothing about Chi-AD and Goa trance in general. At this point, I noticed that the scene appeared ridiculous - there's no way my lecturer could be interested in Goa trance, is this merely a dream? Almost immediately, the computer screen became highly distorted, showing weird images. I felt like doing reality check, so I did just that and saw ten fingers on my right hand. Yup, ten fingers, five overlapping pairs. Lucid! Found myself back on my bed the moment I attained lucidity, which sucks because I hate false awakening lucids like that. You can't really be completely sure you're dreaming when you have a freakin FA in your unaltered room. My dream was highly unstable this time, and I could barely see my surroundings. There was something blocking my view (which I later realized was nothing more than the sleep mask I wore when I went to sleep) and my vision seemed to split into two - dark upper region and bright lower region. I tried very hard to stabilize my dream, repeatedly shouting 'stabilize' and tried rubbing my hands together. Unfortunately, instead of becoming more vivid, my dream became fainter with every passing second. Knowing that there's nothing else I could do, I woke up.

I wonder when can I not have false awakening lucids. Any tips? Maybe I should start practicing All Day Awareness, many people seemed to benefit from it. ADA was even in the Dream Searchers book (I tried em for a short while last year, but I [think I] have mild ADHD so instead of All Day Awareness, I only managed to do One Minute Awareness).

And the next time I have a decent lucid dream, I will no longer look for Adrien. I'm going to spend more time with Raphael, he's the only love of my life.

don't trust your Subconscious

My day started early, because I need to attend the morning HUBS lecture. I dragged my groggy self to Castle 2, kept asking myself "is this a dream?" during lecture since my surroundings seemed wobbly (probably due to the lack of sleep), told myself I would get back to bed as soon as I reach home. On my way back from my lecture, I bumped into The Adrien. I figured out that he must be on his way to the 9am Physics lecture, and cursed myself for not bringing my Physics book along with me so that I could also attend the lecture with him. Lol.

Anyhoo, please disregard the first paragraph and focus on the followings. I slept at 9.30 a.m. after some quick internet browsing. Told myself I will have a lucid dream this time (and I'm very confident about it. BILD FTW). I also asked Subconscious to project the time when Adrien go to his CELS lecture in my dream, so that I could decide when exactly should I attend my CELS lecture. Hahahaha dammit, of course I'm kidding, I'm not as creepy as that :P

Had a false awakening, perhaps after several minutes of deep sleep. Logged on to my Facebook, received 2 friend requests from an unknown Indonesian. Just when I was going to view his profile, I realized that it was a trap - the profile was actually a virus. My account was hacked immediately. The Indonesian posted malicious links and statuses on my profile, inviting furious comments from my FB friends. At this point I noticed there's something weird with the layout of my profile page, and began wondering whether I was still in my dream. I did reality check and noticed that my index finger was cut off. Lucid! Immediately after attaining lucidity, I found myself back on my bed, but I knew I was still in my dream because I could feel that distinctive wobbly feeling. I did not try to stabilize the dream first; instead, I got out of my bed, thinking that it would be the perfect time to carry out my seemingly impossible dream task - walk through walls. I imagined a different kind of world on the other side of my bedroom wall, and walked through it. My attempt was successful! Unfortunately, as soon as I managed to cross to the other side, I felt a sudden shock, and woke up. I was probably too excited, causing me to wake up immediately. Lesson learnt - don't get too excited, and always stabilize your dream first before attempting anything!

Did DEILD. The most conscious DEILD I have ever done. I could literally feel the transition from waking life into dreamland, and experienced a rather intense sleep paralysis. When I opened my eyes, I found myself lying on my bed, so I did another reality check just to make sure I had arrived in my dream. There was a pair of weird-looking spectacles on my bed, at the exact spot where I usually put my specs before I went to sleep. I put it on, and discovered it was some sort of binocular. There was something wrong with the eyepiece, so I tried to adjust it by rotating a knob on the frame. As I rotate the knob, my field of vision changed. What appeared in front of my eyes looked like a view from a telescope, with thousands of glimmering stars. Rotating the knob further revealed a kaleidoscopic image. I enjoyed the psychedelic view for a short while before waking myself up because I remembered having CELS lecture to attend.

I woke up, discovered I still had time to sleep. Found myself in Castle 2, about to have my CELS lecture. A couple of people walked past my seat, and behind them I saw Adrien, looking for a vacant seat (presumably one near me hahaha). Woke up immediately, thought that Subconscious was telling me to go to the 4pm CELS lecture if I were to meet Adrien. Turns out he attended the 11am lecture. And thank God I did not trust my Subconscious.

i have no specific title for this entry

This week was hellish. I lacked sleep, thanks to the 3 labs I need to attend on Monday, Tuesday and today. That simply means no decent WBTB, and less opportunity to attain lucidity. I tried All Day Awareness, but failed because I couldn't even be bothered to focus during lecture, let alone paying attention to every single thing I do in a day.

But I still practice that super-conscious BILD thingy (Believing Induction of Lucid Dreaming... I know I know, they come up with so many random _ILDs these days). And yesterday I finally managed to get a decent amount of sleep because I had no labs and was too groggy to drag myself to HUBS morning lecture, hence allowing myself to get my first lucid dream in a week. Although it's not as inspiring as my previous one, a lucid dream's a lucid dream so yeah. I had around two epic long dreams before the lucid one, but due to me not recording them as soon as I wake up from my sleep, I have lost them altogether. I know, gahhh, physical DJ was right there beside me, I just couldn't be bothered isk.

In my third dream, I was with a DC, Hannan I presumed, in a hotel. We were lounging at the first floor when she suddenly dragged me to the grand stairs and made me ride a saucer-like thingy with her. We leaped from the first floor to the ground floor, covering 20 metres or so, effectively doing flying saucer freefall lol. When we landed safely without any injuries, I began to question the realness of the world around me. I asked Hannan, "are we in a dream?" Being the dreaded projection of my Subconscious, she said no, it was real, we were in waking life. I have learned from my previous encounters with various DCs that whenever a DC said it was not a dream, it was almost always a dream. So I did reality check by looking at my hands. My left hand was normal, but my right hand had six fingers. I did not realize this alteration at first, and almost believed in what Dream Hannan told me, but when I carefully scrutinized my right hand, I saw that extra finger and became lucid. The dream was very unstable, though, and I struggled to remember what I should do to stabilize it. At this point I noticed that Dream Linda was with me, grabbing my arm tightly. I suddenly remembered to shout 'stabilize', and the dream quality began to improve albeit still not very vivid. I wanted to increase the clarity and vividness of the dream, so I decided to try a method that I previously abandoned - rubbing my hands together. I refused to use this method before because I kept waking up immediately after doing so, but this time my attempt to stabilize the dream was highly successful. The dream was now as vivid as waking life. Like, damn vivid man! Possibly the most vivid lucid dream I've ever had. Odd thing was, Dream Linda encouraged me to rub my hands together and told me it was the best thing to do in order to stabilize my dream. She also seemed to realize that the world we were currently in was nothing more but a dream. We walked together hand in hand for a short while before my dream disintegrated rapidly. I woke up, but went back to sleep.

Did DEILD but to no avail. Had a false awakening in my next dream. I dreamed of waking up and finding myself in grandma's altered room. I saw a stack of exercise books in a plastic bag, which looked interesting, so I flipped them one by one. Turns out they were my old drawing books from my childhood, with comics and random stories I made when I was as young as 7. Dad saw me, and asked "have you just woken up from a lucid dream?" I said yes, and he gave me an A5 leather bound notebook, telling me it was someone's dream journal. That someone was also a lucid dreamer, so reading her journal may help me have another lucid dream, Dad said. I forgot the contents of the dream journal though, too bad too bad.

I asked this question before, but I'm going to ask it again; could Dream Linda possibly be my dream guide? I know, I have Dom Cobb already, but having her as my dream guide is interesting.

dreaming of Stephen

WBTB seemed to be very effective for me. Today I did WBTB again (although I only managed to wake up for about 10 minutes before going back to sleep) and had my first lucid dream (or semi-lucid dream?) this month. Best thing was, my foster dad Stephen LaBerge was in my dream!

I found myself back to my old school at Kuala Pilah, and realized that many parts of the school were heavily altered. There was a talk going on in my old classroom about sleep, dreaming and all things esoteric. I heard that Stephen LaBerge would also be there, so I got really excited and invited some of my friends to come along. Lots of people turned up at the event, which was surprising considering the nature of the talk given. I mean, who else in my school were interested in lucid dreaming? I only know Top, but he's not in this dream. The crowd overflowed to the outside of the classroom. Since I arrived quite late, I had to sit outside with the rest of the overflowing eager crowd. One girl brought an interesting book on the topic of lucid dreaming (I believe the book was Andrey Reutov's Dream Searchers), and it turned out lots of other people brought their own esoteric books to the event. Kinda made me regret not bringing Stephen's Lucid Dreaming book with me - I could totally ask for an autograph or something. During the talk, I saw Stephen looking directly at me, so I went to say hi to him. We ended up having a lively chat together, as if we had known each other for so long. We talked about lucid dreaming stuffs and some other random topics, and he asked me things a father would normally ask his daughter (things like "how's your study?", "you have fun living in New Zealand?", "how's your lucid dreaming progress?" etc. Only, my real father won't ever ask me such questions). One thing I noticed, he did not look like the Stephen I know - he had a full beard in my dream, which somehow reminds me of Osama bin Laden. Nevertheless, I knew he was the Stephen LaBerge, because I recognize that sweet and warm voice of his anywhere. The rest of the crowd watched our conversation with shock/awe/disbelief.

my Stephen looks like this. Isn't he the sweetest? Awwww.

After the talk, I walked along the school corridor aimlessly, holding a piece of paper with small text. At one point I suddenly felt like doing reality check, so I did just that and saw something wrong with my hands - there are eight fingers on my left hand. I stared at my hands with disbelief for a few minutes, counting my fingers several times. I am dreaming! Like heck! At this point I knew I was dreaming, but I somehow have some doubts because the dream was extremely vivid like in waking life, with no dreamlike qualities whatsoever save for the polydactylic me. Doubting myself, I tried a different RC method by reading the text on the paper I was holding. What appeared as a very long composition about Rukunegara (lol) turned completely unintelligible, with random letters and weird characters. That strengthened the fact that I was dreaming, but I was still not satisfied. I then tried to make myself levitate, but only managed to make my lower body float while my upper body stayed pivoted on the ground, making me suspended mid-air upside down. Okay dude, you are dreaming, so what are you waiting for, I told myself. I had this overwhelming urge to jump off from the building (I was on the third floor) and attempt some real kick-ass freefall, but I kept having this thought "what if this isn't a dream? What if I fall down and kill myself? I don't want to die yet!" so I didn't do it. WTF. Walked around for a bit, tried to find Stephen and ask him whether or not I was dreaming, and that's when I felt that sudden shock in my awareness. Instead of uttering the stabilizer mantra, I made myself wake up to see if it was indeed a dream. I woke up, and cursed myself and Subconscious. Attempted DEILD afterwards but it failed.

According to this post on DV, I was probably about 70% to 80% lucid. I think there's something restricting myself from being confident enough that I was dreaming. Maybe it's my Subconscious - I've been trolled by her once. Anyhoo, it may not be my best lucid dream ever (or semi-lucid, or whatevs) but knowing that I have met Stephen definitely puts a smile on my face. :D

quick post: DJ

This is my beloved physical dream journal that I mentioned earlier :D

now with dreamcatcher mandala! and Kalifornia/Astral Projection reference!

back cover. Shpongle is a must since many of my dreams have Shpongle stuffs in it hahahaha

excerpts. Non-lucid in black, lucid in purple/other colours in case my purple pen run out of ink

I found that keeping a physical dream journal is very useful in improving dream recall. I used to be able to remember only 2 to 3 dreams per week prior to buying this dream journal, but now I could remember that much dreams per night. So far I've been recording my dreams religiously every time I go to sleep, with only 2 gaps. It's a good idea to use a big book as your dream journal, because you would have more space to write what you could observe/feel in your dream. I'm planning to integrate illustrations in my dream journal (hence me using a visual diary instead of regular ruled notebook) but that depends on whether or not I have time to draw stuffs the moment I wake up from my sleep.

I love my dream journal, it's the best thing ever :D