my love life's too mundane...but at least I can lucid dream

Title has nothing to do with the content of my dreams actually, just a random statement. Yesterday I discovered that Adrien might have a gf already, annihilating every single possibilities for me to be close to him. And this happened after I sent him a message through fb. See? THIS is why I don't want to make the first move! But that's alright though, I still have my Raphael. My poor Raphael, one who stays by my side even though I kept leaving him in my pursuit to find a real life version of him. I've been abandoning him ever since I discovered the existence of Adrien - I didn't even make an effort to look for him in my lucid dreams, preferring to summon Adrien instead. That's just sad. Raphael, I'm really really sorry :'(

Anyhoo, my sleep pattern is getting worse. I can no longer afford to wake up late now that the day's getting shorter and I need to attend HUBS lecture in the morning so that I won't need to walk home from Castle 2 alone in the dark. Used to wake up at 10, now I need to get up 3 hours earlier. But being the nocturnal person that I am, I still can't get myself to sleep earlier than usual. So I ended up sleeping at 2.30 am and waking up at 7 am. Less sleep = less REM period = less decent dreams = less probability to attain lucidity. Don't get me started on WBTB.

I realized it's been a long time since I last write something in this dream journal of mine. I have most of my dreams jotted down in my physical dream journal, but didn't seem to have the time and opportunity to put them here. Why would I want to put them here anyway? Because I can! Anyways, it turns out I had several very short semi-lucid dreams (semi-lucid = 60-79% lucid) after my last one, but they were very disappointing because I can't really control them. I do miss my 30-minute long lucids, they were the awesomest.

Last Sunday (15/5), I dreamed about attending a lecture in a foreign-looking lecture theatre with my housemates. The lecturer was setting up something on the computer, opening up random directories in search for a missing .ppt file I presume. I was beginning to feel bored when I saw him opening a folder containing Chi-AD albums. I was utterly shocked, couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the image projected on the screen. Finally, someone who also love Chi-AD - and that someone is my lecturer! I could not contain my excitement and told my friends about it, but they ignored me. That's not surprising, considering they know nothing about Chi-AD and Goa trance in general. At this point, I noticed that the scene appeared ridiculous - there's no way my lecturer could be interested in Goa trance, is this merely a dream? Almost immediately, the computer screen became highly distorted, showing weird images. I felt like doing reality check, so I did just that and saw ten fingers on my right hand. Yup, ten fingers, five overlapping pairs. Lucid! Found myself back on my bed the moment I attained lucidity, which sucks because I hate false awakening lucids like that. You can't really be completely sure you're dreaming when you have a freakin FA in your unaltered room. My dream was highly unstable this time, and I could barely see my surroundings. There was something blocking my view (which I later realized was nothing more than the sleep mask I wore when I went to sleep) and my vision seemed to split into two - dark upper region and bright lower region. I tried very hard to stabilize my dream, repeatedly shouting 'stabilize' and tried rubbing my hands together. Unfortunately, instead of becoming more vivid, my dream became fainter with every passing second. Knowing that there's nothing else I could do, I woke up.

I wonder when can I not have false awakening lucids. Any tips? Maybe I should start practicing All Day Awareness, many people seemed to benefit from it. ADA was even in the Dream Searchers book (I tried em for a short while last year, but I [think I] have mild ADHD so instead of All Day Awareness, I only managed to do One Minute Awareness).

And the next time I have a decent lucid dream, I will no longer look for Adrien. I'm going to spend more time with Raphael, he's the only love of my life.